Pastor Spends Entire Sermon Time Trying To Elicit An Acceptable "Good morning" Response From the Congregation

Paducah, KY

Last morning's 8AM Sunday service at Vibrant Church, pastor Gabriel Lathum approached the pulpit as he has hundreds of times before--prepared to preach. That morning, however, would turn out to be a little unusual. Gabriel told us, "Everybody just seemed extra sleepy. I can't go on until I know everybody is alert and attentive."

A typical Sunday-morning message goes for about 45 minutes from around 8:30 until 9:15 in the morning, but this last Sunday Gabriel filled the entire time repeating "Good morning" with a variety of inflections, waiting for the congregation to respond with the vigor needed to give confirmation of their attention. For Gabriel, this was never achieved. "Two tries is quite common. Three tries isn't unheard of, but rare. Four tries is kind of a thing of lore. What happened this last Sunday, I don't even know. I've never heard of it before. I really had to just hold my ground and push through."

Eventually Gabriel's persistent attempts rounded the 9:15AM time, and he found himself conceding to the fact that regretfully it just wasn't going to happen. Though admittedly uncertain if anyone was actually listening, he invited everyone to stick around for the 10AM service afterwards, where he hoped to deliver the message he had prepared all week for. We are told several of the people from the earlier service did linger through to the next service. "They had somewhat of a 'dazed stun' look about them, in a sort of trance."

We are happy to report that we are told the 10AM crowd did ultimately come through after just two "Good morning" calls, and the service preceded as normal.

(In the above post, any names of people and their given situations are entirely made up to illustrate a point of satire)

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