Against Religion But For Jesus: Free-Thinker Redefining Christianity Without A Bible

Augusta, ME

"I'm against religion, but totally for Jesus," said Gilbert Short, a long time free-thinker and anti-religion proponent. "Jesus came around to do all kinds of good stuff like give people food, heal them, and He stopped those guys from stoning the girl who committed adultery. He was basically saying, 'Look guys, can't we all just get along?'. He just taught people to just live and let live. Put good in, get good out. You know, do good and don't worry about the haters. He was a true free-thinker. Religion is all about do this and don't do that. It's a shame He had to die like He did when He did."

When probed about where he was getting his information about Jesus, Gilbert told us, "I'm a free-thinker you know so, kind of everywhere. Just not old books or the closed-minded religious types. Otherwise basically I've just listened really good to what others have said and thought up things about Him on my own. That's free thinking. It's a collection of information from a variety of sources, including my own, based on what I have heard and what I've thought."

After some time discussing this, we tried reasoning with him from the Scriptures. We read directly out of the Bible to see what he thought about some of Jesus' direct quotes to see if it fit with Who he thought Jesus is, but Gilbert just closed his eyes and put his fingers in his ears while saying, "I don't need religion, I don't need religion," over and over for several minutes at a time. Occasionally he would take a break from his mantra to peek and see if we were still there. When he saw we were still there, he would start up again. After about four cycles of this, he stopped peeking altogether and went into what seemed to be a trance of very deep free-thinking. So deep, he became completely unresponsive to anything around him. We lightly flicked some cold water into his face but got nothing. Eventually the mantra turned into just noises of deep groaning as he postured himself there cross-legged on the stool. We decided we would just have to call the interview over and part ways, leaving him there like that.

As we were leaving one of the patrons at the store where we were having our discussion, was overheard saying, "I think he is Buddhist or something."

(In the above post, any names of people and their given situations are entirely made up to illustrate a point of satire)

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