John McArthur Loses Theological Debate Against Man Who Prefaced All Heresies With "I'm a Christian..."

Santa Clarita, CA

A debate was held on John McArthur's home turf, The Master's College. However, the home-field advantage wasn't enough to prepare him for the onslaught of heresy by the challenger and self-professing Christian, Alex Newman. "The full debate is available on our website. That's all I really care to comment on for now, other than to say with the information presented today in the debate, I am seriously reconsidering everything I have come to believe theologically," John McArthur briefly commented, following the debate.

The debate mostly revolved around the understanding of the Trinity as it pertains to Christ's deity. John has debated and discussed this many times before, so everyone thought it should be a walk in the park. The unexpected happened today though. With every statement of heresy, no matter how brazen or grotesque it was perceived previously, Alex would preface all his statements with, "I'm a Christian, and...". This seemingly paradoxical argument had Dr. McArthur fumbling over his words and shuffling notes endlessly at the podium as he tried to sort through what he just heard. At one point, after about five minutes of silence, John hesitantly stepped up to the mic saying, "Okay, so let me get this straight. You are telling me you are a Christian, and Jesus has not always existed eternally--He was a created being?" To which Alex responded, "Correct on all accounts.". At this, Dr. McArthur clinched the podium to steady himself, as he became visibly weak with dismay. John simply replied, "Okay, thanks, got it," adding, "you've given me a lot to think about."

We interviewed Mr. Newman afterwards about how he thought it all went. "Well, I'm a Christian, and I'm thankful to the Dark Lord Satan for seeing me through this debate today. I believe I was victorious in all regards. I'm very thankful for John McArthur's work over the years, however, I'm a Christian and I think it's about time for him to retire and embrace the new-age of Christianity--Namely, our Dark Lord Satan. Also, I'm open to a 2nd debate any time to discuss this point specifically, just let me know. Hail Satan! I'm a Christian!"

Mr. Newman walked away, laughing maniacally. We were all amazed to say the least. What a Christian, a man of God, sent to bring in the new age.

(In the above post, any names of people and their given situations are entirely made up to illustrate a point of satire)

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