Donald Trump Looks Directly Into Solar Eclipse, "America Can Do Better"

Washington, DC

President Trump stepped outside the White House unabashed, and doubtful of the Sun's reported bright light. With a finger to the heavens, he pointed to the sky and looked directly into the radiant light emitting from the eclipsing Sun, saying, "Not bad, but America could do better."

When asked about this challenge he apparently just made with the Sun, president Trump explained, "I've been looking at the Sun since I was a little boy. Before I was a little boy, in fact. I remember when I was in my mother's womb I would look directly at the Sun frequently. So, yes I'm very familiar with the Sun. Very familiar. I have fond memories of it, and it has always been very warm with me ever since I was a baby. It has served me well. Really, we have brought each other a great deal of mutual support over the years, so you understand it doesn't really intimidate me. So when I heard about this recent eclipse thing, I came out to show my respects. It is powerful, no doubt at all. But, I know that America can do better than the Sun. Look at me, I can still see just fine, so the whole thing was just fake news."

President Trump then looked into an empty lawn where reporters would normally be gathered under more official circumstance, and asked if there were any more questions. After no response was given, he deadpanned to the side, slowly turned around, and was escorted inside by his wife Melania

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